Surviving The Blue Periods

by Bella Rum

Blue Nude by Pablo Picasso

The house is decorated. We did it this weekend, and it’s beautiful.

Done! Off the list.

I do feel a bit that way. I’d like to feel more cheerful about it, but there’s the damned list. The list must be worked. It’s a living, breathing, pulsing thing, and don’t tell me to throw the list away. You know that’s not an option. Rework the list? Now that’s a possibility and probably a necessity.

I feel like I’m in the minority here. Everyone seems so cheerful, but I know there have to be others who are overwhelmed and struggling with depression this time of year. It’s hard to admit it amidst all the shiny glitter and glowing fires and sparkling lights.

Here’s the thing with depression. You feel as if you could actually cope if only you didn’t have to cope. If I could crawl into bed and pull the covers up… Well, that can’t happen. Trees must be strung, garlands must be hung, and songs must be sung.

I have support and understanding in my house. I wish this for everyone who fights depression.

This is the season for lists, but we just celebrated a holiday that is known for another sort of list – the list of things for which we are grateful. I don’t have the energy for another list, but if I did, H would be at the top.