she’s come undone

by Bella Rum

It’s 3 a.m. I’m a mess – a 100% bonafide mess. Over there? In the corner? Curled into a ball, drooling, mumbling incoherently, wild-eyed? That’s me! This anxiety has just about done me in.

I’ve had the most stressful day that I’ve had in years. I felt vulnerable in my own home, my refuge. The only days worse than this one have been days when I lost a loved one. This entire week was one fresh hell after the next. I really can’t do this anymore. The only bright spot this week was opening the note cards Jeanie sent to me.

H took me for a drive in the country this afternoon. We looked at open fields and wildflowers and old farm houses that have protected generations from storms and wars and sheltered them in times of sorrow. We ate a light dinner and he crawled into bed with me and held me and told me it would be alright. I wish this kind of solace on all of you.

We’re going to the beach next week. I will walk on the sand and look at the ocean and listen to the seagulls. I will breathe deeply and allow the ocean breeze to blow away my turmoil and angst as it has done my entire life. I will let this week fade to black.

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