lub-dub

by Bella Rum

My heart is in A-fib again. I was pretty confident that was the case. I’ve wondered over the past nine months if I would realize when it slipped back into A-fib. It was a big question mark for me. I was blissfully unaware the first time. I do recall occasionally feeling my heart beat in my left side when I was lying on it, but I didn’t know what that meant back then (and not everyone feels that).

I was sitting at the computer on Sunday afternoon and suddenly realized that I was overwhelmingly tired. There was no pain except for a headache. I simply felt lousy and exhausted. I noticed a tightness in my chest and had a queasy feeling in my stomach. I stretched out on the bed. As I gave into the sudden fatigue, I felt it happen. My heart began to stutter in fitful palpitations. It was no longer creating that sweet lub-dub, but was fluttering away like a baby bird who has yet to master the grace of flight, giving its best effort but falling short of its true potential.

Even writing this, I unconsciously give a deep sigh. What can I say? I wanted to be one of those who goes for years without returning to A-fib. Cardioversion is not necessarily a long-term fix. I’m not going into statistics here. Boring. The info is out there if you’re interested.

I’m now on a medication that I’m trying to figure out if I can afford – Multaq. It’s about $370. a month and my insurance only pays $100. It all adds up when you take into account other medications. The doctor is hoping it will get my heart back in rhythm. If it works I will not have to have another electrical cardioversion. That would be great. Either way, I will probably have to take the medication indefinitely – even after a successful cardioversion – because it helps keep the heart from going back into A-fib. Enough boring facts.

I wouldn’t say that I feel defeated. I am disappointed but I shouldn’t be. I knew this could and probably would happen. I just want to get on with it and get this heart-o-mine back in rhythm.

My son and his family plan to visit at the time I may be getting a cardioversion. We’ve been planning this visit for a while. My daughter in law’s parents and brother are coming, too. I wanted to have a cookout and you know… put on the dog… prepare a bit of a feast for them… and all that entails. They’ve been so gracious to us in the past. I don’t know. We’ll work it out.

Quote of the day: Respect your body! You owe it everything! ~ Bella Rum

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