by Bella Rum

fat_woman_on_scaleIt’s time for a visit to the old poke-in-the-eye doc. No problem. I’d rather do that than go to a doctor who forces me to get on the scale.  I’ll stop by Marshall’s after the appointment. Do you love Marshall’s? I’ve found two pricey brand-name blouses there recently for about a third of the retail price. It isn’t easy for me to find clothes now. I’ve gained so much weight. When you aren’t pleased with your body, it isn’t easy to find clothing that pleases you. It isn’t the clothes; the body is the problem.

H is fit. He has the right metabolism, but he also works at it. He eats like a Saint Bernard, but he burns calories like a Hummer burns gas. He worked out for an hour yesterday, and then he mowed and bagged the grass and leaves.

Activity + good metabolism = hot body.

I’ve struggled with weight since my mid-teens. As soon as puberty was a thing of the past, so was my lean, little body. It happened before I knew what hit me. I went from a person who burned calories while sleeping to a person who couldn’t lose weight if she had the flu for three weeks. Remember that Irma Bombeck joke about giving birth to a seven-pound baby and three pounds of afterbirth and still gaining two pounds. I guess our male ancestors needed lean bodies to hunt those woolly mammoths, and the women had to maintain fat to survive the famine. No famines around here, but I’m all set if one pops up.

Over the past 45 years, H has never said a word to me about my weight (smart guy), but he’s finally breached that boundary. It has nothing to do with looking good in hot pants. Remember those? It’s the health thing. And I know that.

I’m going to have to get going here pretty soon. I’ve improved since vacation, but I need more structure and commitment and consistency. Seriously, you cannot empty an ocean with an eyedropper.

I may have to go back to W/W or at least rummage around here for the book and that silly point calculator. That thing rubs me the wrong way. Why can’t they just go by portion sizes or calories? It’s a marketing gimmick, I guess. Anyway, W/W is a great weight-loss program… okay…. lifestyle program. Whatever they want to call it, it works IF you follow it.

Time to beat some life into that dead horse again.

Only a half-hour until Morning Joe. Can’t weight to see what they’re talking about this morning. I bet you can guess.