Smart Mouth, Dumb Light

by Bella Rum

The light was red. It’s the light in front of the fire station and it’s always green unless a truck is about to leave the station and zoom somewhere to help someone. Someone we don’t know, but sure, we hope they will be alright. I stopped behind the car in front of me. The sirens blared and a fire engine bolted out of the garage and onto 301 like it was going to a fire. Away it sped.

Okay. Good. That’s good. Go big truck, go. Now what? Traffic light is still red. RED! And the car in front of me will not go… because the light is red.

I’m a pretty good rule follower, as in the-meek-shall-inherit-the-earth type. I sat – sort of patiently – for a minute and then another minute, and then I tooted my horn. H rolled his eyes and snickered a sound akin to that of a neighing horse. The car in front of me went through the light and I followed. The rest of the cars remained behind. I watched them in my rearview mirror. Sheep.

I’ll probably receive a ticket in the mail. Hope there wasn’t a camera. It’ll probably be one of those high-priced tickets like when you’re caught going 6 miles over the speed limit in a school zone (no, I never did that). Don’t tell me that it stays red at fire stations for an extra long time for a very good reason – like so a big truck won’t smash into me. This light was ridiculously long. So long that I suspect it was stuck. So long that I think it may still be red. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Now: A Tip For You

How to put this delicately so as not to offend anyone in my house? Let’s say you know someone who suffers from halitosis. They brush. They gargle. They floss. But after a couple of hours or less, it’s all bad up in there again. What to do? What to do?

I heard a commercial while driving somewhere. They suggested that we lick our wrists and wait for three minutes and then smell it. If it smells bad, we have halitosis. You may have heard about Smart Mouth. I believe I’d heard about it before. It’s a mouthwash. The package has two bottles, and you squirt four squirts from each bottle into a cup and gargle. It’s supposed to keep your breath fresh – at least not stinky – for 12 hours. Someone in my house tried it and it works. So far, so good. Maybe I’ll write the Smart Mouth folks a letter. Maybe they will send me a gift certificate for a case or even one package.

Moral of this story: It’s better to be a Smart Mouth than a foul mouth.