Que Sera, Sera
by Bella Rum
H is still sleeping. Of course, he is. I’m going to make a couple of things today: marinated vegetable salad, cheese cake. I also have to go grocery shopping for those last things, because I didn’t go yesterday like I said I was.
I have one package that hasn’t arrived. I ordered it on the 15th, the last day that you could order something on the internet and be certain that it would arrive before Christmas. Yesterday, the status update said it would arrive on Christmas Eve, but when I checked this morning, it had changed to today. So that’s good. It’s only coming from NC.
I was weepy last night. I always do that at some point during the holidays. Something sets me off. With all the festivities and anticipation and hustle and bustle, there are those quiet moments, too. This is the time to celebrate, but it’s also a time to reflect and a time to admit how much we miss our loses. The trick is not to dwell there for long. Quite a trick if you can manage it.
I have so much to be grateful for. Learning to be grateful for big and small things was not my New Year’s resolution last year, but it could have been because I finally mastered gratitude in 2014. No, that’s not right. I didn’t ‘master’ anything, it wasn’t something I put effort into. It seems to have come to me out of the blue. I made a huge leap this year, and while I don’t understand how I got to this point, I’m sure it’s been in the making for many years. I’m sure it didn’t happen overnight, like it feels, but it has changed every single thing in my life. I’m sounding very Zen here, I know. I haven’t been an ingrate all my life and suddenly saw the light or anything like that. I’ve been grateful before, but this is different. I’m filled with it. Every good thing seems so bright and obvious, every single little thing. Life is very good. I also know that things change, but for right now, right here, I’m grateful for this time in my life and every one of the little things that make me so happy. And there are so many.
I hate writing about this stuff. Truth be told, I’m a little superstitious. Life can change in an instant, and will. We never see it coming. See, you thought this was going to be a happy little post, but there’s always that other side. When I read other blogs and they go on about happiness and gratitude (and balance, which I tend to jabber about at New Year’s so look out), I think, well how nice for you. Wait till that other brick falls. But I’m not feeling that way so much these days.
I’ve read a lot of blogs this year in which the authors have suffered great losses, GREAT losses, and still they write about their lives and their steps forward and back. It’s so inspirational to see someone come back from such hurt, and it gives hope to others. There’s been a sea change this year for me, and I’m seeing things in a very different light nowadays. It’s still so new to me. I only want to take this all in and breathe… even if it’s only for awhile.