by Bella Rum

Did you watch the Oscars last night? I never watch it anymore. I record it in case something wild happens. You never know when there might be a streaker (remember that?) or a political protest or someone appears drunk or high. Remember Patty Duke? Oh, God.

There’s so much filler in the show. I can’t spend three hours watching that. I usually like to see the big awards that everyone else is interested in: best supporting, best actor, best director, best motion picture. I like the tributes to those who died and the speech of the recipient of the Honorary Award (I don’t even know who received that this year.). I like the concept of the Honorary Award. It gives the Academy a chance to atone for screwing up, a chance to give an accomplished but overlooked actor a “kiss and makeup” Oscar. Maybe they’re more coveted than the other Oscars. Maybe the recipients are more appreciative because they didn’t come by it easily.

I like Neil Patrick Harris, so I hope he did well considering the confines of the show. It’s just too long and has too much tedious business to take care of. I know all of those talented technical folks are needed, but… So I may watch the high spots later today, but I can’t do the whole thing.

We watched a show about the history of the Academy the other day. It was interesting, but I wish you could have seen us trying to remember the names of all those stars. We did better on the old ones than the current ones. It was a very long show, and after a couple of hours of trying feebly to remember Barbara Stanwyck or Greta Garbo or James Cagney, H said, “Do you think this thing is on a loop and we’re watching it over and over and can’t remember?”

Okay, so I’m not over chickens yet. Now I’m watching deboning videos. It’s a preoccupation. Have you ever seen these? They’re absorbing. I’ve never deboned a chicken, and I don’t see it in my future, but I like seeing the execution (no pun intended) of deboning.  Jacques Pépin is an artist. My son would have so much to say about this latest fixation.