If It’s 2:30, This Must Be Home Depot

by Bella Rum


My days are getting confusing. I don’t know where I am or where I’m going until I’m told. I have to sit here for a minute to put all the different parts of yesterday together in my mind. I feel like a secret agent who’s deep-sea fishing a couple of miles off the pink sand beaches of some tropical isle when he gets a call on his burner phone or a recorded message that self-destructs five seconds after it finishes playing. “If you choose to accept this assignment…” And you always choose to accept the assignment. Everyone knows that.


Yesterday started early. We had to leave the house by 9:15 am. A buyer had an appointment at 9:30. That meant we had to get up early, shower, and put everything back in its place that we’d moved or used the previous night.

H had a doctor’s appointment at 9:30 am. So that was convenient, killing two birds with one stone and all that. I sat in the waiting room watching HGTV’s Love it or List It. Those shows should come with a warning label. If I walk through the room while one is playing, in a millisecond, I’m glazed over, mouth-breathing, and barely cognizant of anything going on around me. It’s a sickness.

On the way home from the Doctor’s office, Marlene called to tell us that the 9:30 buyer had loved, loved, loved the house, but her husband hated corner lots. I knew the corner lot could be an issue. Every house has an issue, but I thought it would be the roof. The roof is original to the house, and will need to be replaced in another year or two.

We returned home, ate breakfast and promptly fell asleep for an hour.


Then we got up, cleaned everything up, put everything back in its place, and left the house at 1:30 pm to accommodate another buyer that would arrive at 1:45 pm. We went to lunch at Panera Bread, then Marshall’s where I bought sheets and a long, skinny spiral tablet of lined paper with “I (heart) Lists” emblazoned across the front of it. For H, of course.

We were on the way back home when Marlene called to tell us that another buyer wanted to see the house at 3:00 pm. So we couldn’t get back into our house until 4:00 pm. Fine. That’s fine. Have to sell it. Only way is to let people see it. We went to Home Depot and bought packing boxes and then drove by the new house. The neighbors will call 911 soon. We’re stalkers.

At about 3:30 pm, Marlene called again to tell us that the 1:45 buyers were considering a contract. They have already sold their house. Presumably, they have some cash and will qualify for a loan. She asked a few questions about the property line, and told us to keep our fingers crossed.

We returned home. Finally.


We had leftovers in the fridge for dinner, so we poured a glass of wine and sat in the quietude of the living room and talked. We did not make a toast because that would most definitely tempt fate. And who needs that?

As we sat there, we saw a small SUV drive by the front of the house, which faces the cul-de-sac. Then stop. They sat and looked for a while. Then they drove slooowly down the garage side of the house, which faces the other road. We continued to sit and talk. In fifteen or twenty minutes, another car drove slowly by and parked on the cul-de-sac side and looked at the house for awhile. Then a woman got out of the car and started walking up to the porch. H got up to open the door. I think she saw him and started back to her car. Awkward. I think she wanted to walk around the porch or something. She came back to the house, embarrassed, and explained that her daughter had looked at the house “earlier today” and thought it was pretty. Then she said a few nice things about the house and left.

We can’t be sure if it’s her daughter and SIL who are considering an offer. It could be that the 3 o’clock people are also interested. Or not. We never would have seen her if we’d been in the family room.

Then we ate dinner (salmon cakes and creamed peas), slithered up the stairs,  and crawled into bed with fingers and toes crossed.

So far, we have two buyers scheduled for today 5:00 pm and 6:00 pm. We won’t have access to our house  until 7:00 pm. Who knows if Marlene will call and try to schedule another buyer or two earlier in the day? We don’t dare cancel or rule out anyone until we have a signed contract. You know how this goes. They could sleep on it and change their minds, especially if they dream about replacing that roof, painting that porch, and maintaining that corner lot.

We should know sometime this morning.