Dreaming of my Bladder

by Bella Rum

toiletThis morning was spent correcting addresses and phone numbers for Medicare, Anthem, SS, etc. We also changed our vacation plans from next May to this September. Just before we found this house, we made plans for a vacation in May, but all hell broke loose when the owner accepted our offer. So H changed the vacation from May 2015 to May 2016. Fine, but then we decided we wanted to go sooner. So it’s done. We’re going in September. It will be beautiful then.

I had a dream the other night that someone was chasing me with a hammer. I do not think they wanted to hang a picture for me or make a birdhouse. I had the feeling that they wanted to sink that hammer into my skull.

Last night, I had a more interesting dream. I dreamed that I was in the master bedroom in my house in Maryland, and someone gave me a pair of shorts that were for a 10-year-old boy. I squeezed into them (that’s how you know it was a dream), sucked in my stomach, and buttoned a two-button closure. Then I suddenly needed to pee. You saw that coming, didn’t you? Oh, so bad, I had to pee.

I started fumbling with the buttons, but I had a hard time sucking in my stomach enough to unbutton them. The pressure was unbelievable. My bladder was bursting, and I had a strong urge to let it go. I finally got the boy-shorts unbuttoned just as another woman appeared. She had to use the bathroom, too.  She started running for the door.

Finally success!! The shorts were unbuttoned. I made a run for it as I was pulling the pants down. I got through the bathroom door before her. When I finally looked at the toilet, a large, plastic dry cleaner bag entangled the entire seat. I was yanking my pants down with one hand and trying to remove the plastic bag with the other when H woke me. My pajama bottoms and panties were halfway down. I can’t tell you how fast I jumped out of that bed and ran for the bathroom. I barely made it.

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