Crazy Uncle Jack
by Bella Rum
H went to the poke-in-the-eye doc with me. There was a man in the waiting room. He had a full head of white hair and a fancy beard that reminded me of a cross between Colonel Sanders and Kenny Rogers. He was a talker. When the nurse came for the guy he was talking to, he started talking to us. He mentioned that his son gave him an M1 Garand in mint condition for his birthday. “It’s sweet. If the government comes for my weapons, they better bring something powerful with ’em.” And he was not smiling when he said it. The waiting room got quieter, and everyone leaned a bit closer. The nurse called my name, and I left H to carry on the conversation.
Uncle Jack was a little crazy. A lot crazy. I never could figure out why Aunt Sally (Dad’s sister) married him, but after six kids, she was pretty stuck, wouldn’t you say? He would have been simpatico with Colonel Sanders. He had an arsenal. Whether this should be legal or not can be and is disputed, but I think most people would agree that the owner of an arsenal should be in his right mind. Uncle Jack, most decidedly, was not. Unlike Colonel Sanders, the government did show up on Uncle Jack’s doorstep one day back in the sixties, and they wanted a little look-see at his weapons. Uncle Jack called them flunkies, and told them to go away and bring their bosses with them next time they visited. If he was in the mood when they returned, he might talk to them… on his doorstep. Uncle Jack was colorful, and I love a little crazy as well as the next Southerner, but I like my crazy unarmed. I don’t know the upshot of this story, but I do not believe the “government” ever got inside Uncle Jack’s house. I’m pretty sure I would have heard the story, but maybe not. Thankfully, he never killed anyone… that I know of. He and the guy in the waiting room would have become fast friends.
The kids will be here later this morning. I didn’t do much cooking. Yesterday, I did stop at Michael’s to get some ribbon to make a bow to spruce up a wreath that I’ve had for over twenty years. I finally had to remove everything because it was falling apart. I haven’t added any doodads back yet. I kind of like it plain. It’s hanging on the backdoor in the kitchen.