Brain Burps and the Beautiful People

by Bella Rum

I bought a new swimsuit yesterday. I haven’t worn one in ages. Oh lordy. It’s not a traditional suit. It’s more like a swim tee and shorts. I’m sure you’ve seen the style. It will hide things that need to be concealed. I found it online at Swimsuits for All. I want to go in the ocean and the pool. I miss it.

There was a little confusion when I went to checkout. I’d seen an offer for free shipping, but when I got to checkout, they didn’t remove the shipping charge. So I hit the “chat” button and had an online exchange with customer service. This is how it went.

Me: I saw an offer for free shipping, but I still see a charge for it on my purchase.

Sarah: Where did you see the offer.

Me: At the top of the page.

Sarah: We usually give a code to use at checkout when we offer free shipping. Did you get a code.

Me: No. I didn’t see a code.

Sarah: I’m very sorry, but we don’t have an offer for free shipping today.

Me: That’s okay. I think I may be wrong. I was shopping on another site and may have seen it there. I’m old. LOL So sorry to have bothered you. I will get the merchandise anyway. Thanks for your help.

Sarah: Oh LOL! No problem! My pleasure. Have a great day!

Holy Moly! I know anyone could have done the same thing (right?), but I hate it. At least I haven’t burned the house down (that’s a joke).

We went over to West End yesterday to get olive oil from Tom Leonard’s, lemon thin cookies from Trader Joe’s and a few other things. There’s a lot of money on that side of town, and they were all in Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods. I once heard a doctor say that there are clusters of people across the US who refuse to vaccinate their kids. He said if you stuck pins in a map where they lived, all the pins would be within ten miles of a Whole Foods. LOL A little truth in every joke… um… except about burning the house down.

But I digress. We got my 14-calorie lemon thins at Trader Joe’s, and some hot sauce that H likes. We were behind an older woman in line. I nudged H and said, “She’s attractive.” And she was. She was probably older than us: slender, lovely posture, all the facial bone structure still in place, snazzy clothes, great earrings, her Trader Joe’s reusable grocery bag at the ready, and a buttery bouquet of daffodils in with her other purchases. You could tell she was beautiful when young. Bone structure don’t go nowhere when the face starts to melt. It’s as good as money under the mattress.

Those daffodils said something about her. She deserved to have something beautiful, not a necessity but simply a lovely thing. She reminded me of my Aunt Ruthie, except Aunt Ruthie would never have bought daffodils. She was both frugal and a devoted gardener; she had hundreds of daffodils in her yard.

Then I turned to my left, and there was a movie-star gorgeous older man with salt & pepper hair (almost all salt), a flat stomach, sporting casual but elegant clothes, and a $200 haircut to top it all off, and… you guessed it… more great bone structure.

What is it about that side of town? You can’t throw a rock without hitting a beautiful, chic person. Not at Trader Joe’s anyway. They are everywhere you look. Is it in the water, or do beautiful people become rich more easily. Does it help if you’re irresistible?

H found a leak in the roof over the garage. He also bought a lottery ticket.