A Family Affair

by Bella Rum

It’s been a busy time. I haven’t written posts or visited blogs this week. We’re in spring planting mode around here, and H put down mulch Saturday. It always looks so nice, but that isn’t what’s on my mind today.

My niece took us to dinner on Saturday night, and I busted my diet. I’m getting good at breaking the daily routine and getting right back on the horse the next morning. It’s becoming the norm, but I must say that it took my system until mid-day the next day to feel just right again. It’s gotten used to eating clean and lean, but it was so much fun being with her. She has the kindest heart.

We talked about my sister (her mother). The daughter she put up for adoption in 1960 is still trying to find her. Well, I should say, she’s trying to get my sister to meet with her. A few months ago, she sent my brother and me letters and photos (she looks like my other niece) asking for information. Neither of us contacted her. We both feel that it’s our sister’s decision, and at this point, my sister knows about her so there’s no business in this for us.

Months ago, when she first contacted me, I searched for her online. I found her thread on a forum for adopted children looking for bio-parents. She wrote about her search for my sister. I didn’t look at it again until a couple of days ago. She had written much more about my sister and our family. That’s where I learned that since sending the letters to my brother and me, she also sent a certified letter to my sister months ago, and my sister signed for it. So my sister knows, but is not talking to any of the family about it.

On the thread, Bio-daughter said she found two cousins – one on our side of the family and one on her bio-father’s side – who agreed to meet with her. She already visited one, and will visit the other soon. She also found her bio-father who lives down the street from my brother. He called my brother and asked for information on my sister, but “he refused to talk about his sister’s pregnancy.” She wrote that he would now try to contact her mother’s younger sister (me!). Her bio-father felt I would help because “she’s more talkative.” Really? Why didn’t they just say that I’m a snitch? Ha! I’m sure he meant more cooperative or social or something flattering like that.

Even though my brother and I believe we would choose differently in this situation, if my sister does not want to meet with her bio-daughter, we cannot be the ones to give her information. Though I do sympathize with her bio-daughter, I find that even though my sister and I are not close and barely see each other, I cannot help her make contact with my sister (I think she wants a cell # and general information). It doesn’t feel right, but at this point, it doesn’t matter anyway. The bio-daughter isn’t stopping, and will make contact with every relative my sister knows until she agrees to see her. Even though one of my other nieces asked her to stop, she is as persistent as my sister, and will not take no for an answer. I don’t know what I think of that either. Shouldn’t either side have the right to say yay or nay. My sister must feel that her life is being picked apart… molecule by molecule as bio-daughter visits, contacts, talks and writes to every relative she can find. In the letter she sent to me, she wrote, “I don’t want to cause trouble.” Why then does it feel like I’m watching a trouble train coming down the tracks… closer and closer?

When we returned home from dinner with my niece on Saturday, a card  from the postoffice was waiting for me in the mailbox. It was a notification for a certified letter. It’s at the postoffice and I have to sign for it. Two guesses who it’s from? I will know today. What a sticky situation. I’m thinking that my sister never told her present husband, and to say that his entire family will be surprised by this is an understatement, especially his children. I think they already have a few issues with my sister.

I’m pretty sure that my sister feels shame and embarrassment. I’m not saying that she should, but how awkward this must be for her. Over fifty years ago, in a different time, she found a good family for her child. She wanted the best for her, and by that child’s own words, she had a good life with loving parents. Her adoptive mother died two years ago, and that’s when she started looking, which says a lot about what’s going on here. She is successful, degreed, smart and incontestably determined. She is definitely my sister’s daughter.